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Insurance Jokes and Humor - Salesmen

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Insurance Jokes - Salesmen

Riding the Metroliner

Three producer and three insurance executives were taking the Metroliner train to New York. Before they began, the executives bought three tickets and the producers only one. The executives were glad that their dumb colleagues were going to get caught and thrown off the train. However, when the conductor was approaching their car, all three producers went to the nearest bathroom and squeezed in. The conductor, noticing that somebody was in the bathroom, knocked on the door. A hand came out with a ticket. He punched it and the producers save 2/3 of the ticket price!

On the return trip, the executives decided to use the same strategy. They purchased only one ticket but the producers did not but any tickets!

When the executives was the conductor they all jammed into the bathroom and when they heard a knock on the door they handed out the ticket. They did not get it back. The producers took it and went into the other bathroom!!!


A traveler wandering on an island inhabited entirely by cannibals comes upon a butcher shop. The shop specialized in human brains differentiated according to source. The sign in the shop read:

Actuary' Brains ... $9/lb

Loss Control Brains ... $12/lb

Underwriters' Brains ... $15/lb

Claims Adjusters' Brains ... $33/lb

Insurance Executives' Brains ... $87/lb

Life Insurance Salesmens' Brains ... $146/lb

Upon reading the sign, the traveler noted, "My those insurance salesmens' brains must be something. To which the butcher replied, "Are you kidding! Do you have any idea how many of them you have to kill to get a pound of brains?!"


An insurance salesman, risk manager and a safety director are traveling in the countryside. Weary, they stop at a small country inn. "I only have two rooms, so one of you will have to sleep in the barn," the innkeeper says.

The safety director volunteers to sleep in the barn, goes outside, and the others go to bed.

In a short time they're awakened by a knock. It's the safety director, who says, "There's a cow in that barn. I'm a Hindu, and it would offend my beliefs to sleep next to a sacred animal."

The risk manager says that, OK, he'll sleep in the barn.

The others go back to bed, but soon are awakened by another knock.

It's the risk manager who says, "There's a pig in the barn. I'm Jewish, and cannot sleep next to an unclean animal."

So the insurance salesman is sent to the barn.

It's getting late, the others are very tired and soon fall asleep.

But they're awakened by an even louder knocking. They open the door and are surprised by what they see: It's the cow and the pig!

Professional Characteristics

A man walking along the road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. He tells the shepherd, "I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock."

The shepherd thinks it over; it's a big flock so he takes the bet.

"973" says the man.

The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right. Says "OK, I'm a man of my word, take an animal." Man picks one up and begins to walk away.

"Wait," cries the shepherd, "Let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation."

Man say sure. "You are an insurance company national account sales executive." says the shepherd.

"Amazing" replies the man, "You are exactly right! But tell me, how did you deduce that?"

"Well," says the shepherd, " put down my dog and I will tell you."

Airman Jones

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones' sales pitch.

Jones explained the basics of the GI insurance to the new recruits and then said: "If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to ay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6,000."

"Now," he concluded, "which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?"

Persistence Pays

"You ought to feel highly honored," said the businessman to the life insurance agent, "so far today I have had my secretary turn away seven insurance agents."

"Yes, I know," replied the agent, "I'm them."

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this page last updated 10/05/2010   

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